Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Please don’t ever apologize for eating a cupcake, a Twinkie, a non-vegan food, or any other morsel that happens to categorize you as “straying” from whatever diet you’ve chosen.
Guilt is present in so many areas of our lives. We feel guilty when we spend too much on a shopping trip, guilty when we have to say no to a friend’s request, guilty when we end a relationship. Why, then, are we adding to this by associating food with guilt as well? Food ought to be a source of enjoyment, of comfort. Who doesn’t have fond childhood memories in association with food: making Christmas cookies with Grandma, digging into an enormous slice of homemade birthday cake, or eating dessert for dinner? (Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who did this!)
Kids know how to truly enjoy life! But all too often, adults say, “Oh, I was bad” or “Oh I shouldn’t.” Sundaes are called “sinful” and brownies are deemed “diet derailers.” I’m not saying one should eat these foods every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I do believe there is a place for treats in a healthy diet. The problem is that many people are trained to see everything as “black and white.”
If you’re interested in a novel of a post, I wrote more here: Orthorexia: The new Eating Disorder. But for now, I want to switch gears and zero in on a particular sub-topic:
Eating a “perfect” vegan diet.
People often send me emails, lamenting the fact that they could never be a “perfect” vegan. But there is no such thing!
I am not a perfect vegan. Even the so-called “vegan police” (those who point fingers at others, saying their efforts aren’t good enough) do not live 100% cruelty-free lives. The fact of the matter is that it’s impossible to live your life and not step on anyone else’s toes. There’s gelatin in book bindings, slavery involved with the chocolate trade, and some animals are even killed in the production of veggies when they run under the tractors. What I’m trying to say is that one shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling like his or her diet (or any aspect of his or her life) isn’t “cruelty-free” enough; we’re all just doing the best that we can in this life. Unfortunately, if one tries to bite off more than he or she can chew (pun intended), one runs the risk of burning out and giving up on doing anything!
There’s also something to be said for part-time vegans or vegetarians (a.k.a. flexitarians). Truth be told, the plethora of vegan items available in mainstream stores today is mostly thanks to these people. There just aren’t enough vegans in the world (yet!) to provide the amount of demand to get, say, Silk Soymilk at Wal-Mart or Almond Breeze at Costco. But with the help of flexitarians, one can now find non-dairy ice creams, mock meats, Larabars, and other vegan goodies outside of Whole Foods.
Even if you’re not ready now–or ever–to give up meat, you can still make a huge difference. Every little bit helps, and sometimes people are more-willing to believe ot trust omnivores than vegans when it comes to product recommendations. For example, if I tried to pass off my 5-Minute Chocolate Mousse to my relatives, they would balk, saying “Oh of course the crazy vegan thinks this is good; she hasn’t had the real thing in years!”
But if my meat-eating dad were to give them a taste, chances are they’d be more receptive. It’s one of the reasons I don’t fret over honey, nor do I beat myself up for eating a food that may contain traces of milk. Some might call me a hypocrite, but I feel I’d just turn more people off to the diet if they saw me scrutinizing every label for hours on end, trying to decipher if “natural flavors” in a certain product are animal-derived. (I’m unsure where I stand on the “veganism and honey” issue. More bugs probably die in the making of my organic kale or broccoli! I don’t go out of my way to eat foods with honey, but I also won’t flip out if I happen to consume it accidentally.)
No matter what you are or aren’t able to do, feel proud of yourself for even wanting to make a difference in this world. I believe that if everyone does as much as he or she feels comfortable doing, the world will slowly become a better place. When I first learned about factory farming, I struggled with the whole “I’m just one person; my not eating meat won’t make a difference at all. No one will even notice” thing. But if you think about it, all the “one persons” add up. If everyone said that he or she were only one person and no one would notice if he or she made an effort to help change the world, then nothing would ever change. Alone, we’re just one person, but when we all come together, we make a huge group, and every one person counts! Plus, you never know who else you’ll inspire. It’s the domino effect.
This post was amazing. I never used to feel guilty about eating something before I found out about my high cholesterol. After that, well.. it’s been a guilt trip.
I always try to enjoy the foods I eat and never eat something I don’t want to and usually end up being guilt-free but people around me seem to want me to be guilty. Whenever I mention eating something really good (ie. something with cheese which I should eat less) some people want to point out that I’m not eating as I’m supposed to. There is no use in telling that I eat low-fat cheese or that if I don’t eat cheese for 5 days a week I can enjoy a piece of full fat cheese once or twice a week. It’s all about moderation!
And even if I would eat like I used to and not take care of myself (which I do!) it’s really nobody’s business how, when and what I eat.
Oh Anne, your comment is SO TRUE! Just the other day, my friend (who is on a diet because she’s overweight) was eating an ice cream cone–the ONLY one she’d allowed herself all week. Well, wouldn’t you know, someone had to come up and say, “I thought you were on a diet. Do you really wanna eat that?” It’s NOT their business, and it made my friend feel horrible. I was SO angry!
What a JERK!!!
Did you give them a death glare and tell them to shush?
I’d have had words for that person, let me tell you!
I’m as vegan as possible. If I’m iffy on an ingredient and I don’t NEED to eat the food (which is common) I won’t. It’s partially due to just not feeling good, emotionally, if I eat animal products but it’s also LARGELY due to feeling physically ill if I eat them! I’m so so sensitive to things now, especially dairy. Even a tiny bit in a food will make me feel like death is a gift. LOL. I don’t like feeling physically ill nor do I enjoy feeling sad/upset, so I’m pretty careful!
I know I’m not perfect, it’s impossible to 100% vegan in a very non-vegan world! I do, however, feel like vegans should try very hard – as much as practical or possible – to avoid animal products. If you’re routinuely eating gelatin or eggs, or sometimes have some cheese a couple times a month, please don’t call yourself vegan.
I ask this not due to being the vegan police but simply because you’re making it harder on folks who are truly vegan. We’ve all heard of the people who say “but my friend is a vegetarian and SHE eats chicken.” while being offered a “vegetarian” dish that contains meat. We need to make sure the term “vegan” means something so that we can trust it when we see it on a menu or product, yanno? Also, the folks who eat vegan but use leather, animal tested cosmetics, wool, etc. should be calling themself strict vegetarians or dietary vegans – for similar reasons. It’s not a judgment, it’s a matter of *clarity*.
I’m not vegan police-y about the beegans who eat honey (honey is one thing I always forget to ask about at restaurants, it doesn’t make me feel sick and I tend to have less of an emotional/ethical issue with it. I feel bad that I am not more viligent.) but I choose to avoid it when I *know* it’s in something.
If I eat it accidentally a) I won’t notice (no sickies!) and b) don’t feel like a bad person if I DO notice. Honey is the only non-vegan thing I’ve intentionally eaten in the almost seven years I’ve been vegan. I’ve done it four times, all four to make things easier on a host at a meal – they *almost* had it vegan, they just missed honey. To be fair, all noticed it and went “crap! not vegan!” so they won’t do it again. 🙂 Honey is one thing I’ll compromise on, in limited situations. I’ve also been known to eat mono and dyglyerides when offered food by my mom or other ones that are tiny tiny things that can go either way and won’t make me ill. I’m not a ‘sugar’ vegan either. I buy non-bone char sugar for my baking but I’ll eat white sugar that’s not vegan. I drink water that’s filtered that way, so avoiding sugar seems needlessly nitpicky. *waits for vegan police!*
I won’t compromise on meat, eggs, dairy or things like gelatin though. I’m absolutely diligent about those things and do feel bad if I eat them accidentally. It’s a strong ethical stance, if you break it you feel bad. That’s not like feeling that eating cake on a diet is bad. More like you feel like kicking a puppy is bad. I don’t feel like it’s unhealthy for a vegan to feel bad when they slip up. It wouldn’t make sense if we didn’t! Especially for the longer term vegans, there is a sense of disgust with yourself when you eat animals – especially if you just forgot to check a label, etc.
Oh, and Katie, FYI. Traces of milk/eggs/nuts/whathaveyou just is related to the machinery. Most vegan places can’t afford their own machinery so they share. Even though they are washed like whoa in between batches, they must label that way for the benefit of the incredibly allergic. I think I’ve only “met” one vegan in all the ones I interact with online/in forums who wouldn’t eat a “may contain traces” thing. They are still vegan and no one jumps on anyone for that. 😉
Great, great insight, Melissa! Wow, you really know your stuff :).
Oh, and I am right there with you 100% on the honey issue (Why not use agave at home?) AND in feeling gross when I eat non-vegan. I once had a stir fry and later got a SERIOUS tummy ache. Turned out the stir fry had a little bit of yogurt in it. 🙁 🙁 I guess my body has gotten used to not eating dairy. Hey, that’s ok by me!
Wow! Yogurt in stir fry? Who’d even ever think that ask about that?
As for knowing my stuff, I’m a voracious reader/researcher with very little in the way of a social life. Ha. I get interesting in something and I go all out – learning about it as much as I can. You should hear me talk about rats(!) LOL. I go into lecture mode on rattie stuff, animal behavior, running, veganism … it’s just I’m so excited about these things that I read a lot and then want to share. And bore people!
Thank you for this amazing post Katie!!
Guilt, and the obsession with eating perfectly only leads to regret, restriction and the eventual binge. We need to work to reshape this relationship with food, so that there is no such thing as a bad food, and we aren’t trapped in this eat-repent-repeat cycle. Food should not be a religion and we definitely shouldn’t have to pay penance for it!
I just started a new blog called I am Guiltless that is centered around that, self love and positive body image (www.iamguiltless.com if you’re interested). And even though it has only been up for a week I’ve been blown away by the positive response of people reading/hearing about it. We need to keep spreading this message!
so thank you you beautiful lady!
Ooh I’ll definitely check it out :).
GREAT post! Wonderful! I avoid non-vegan things as much as possible but won’t freak out if I accidentally eat dairy or eggs in something. Unless you are allergic to eggs or dairy; traces are fine. Honey happens, but I’ll never buy it to use at home. Sure, dairy will give me a bad stomach ache, but it’s a good reminder for me to always ask about ingredients. Really, the best way to be vegan (or a compaaionate person, for that matter) is to try your best, be reasonable, and never beat yourself up. Katie wrote it so beautifully in her post, there’s no sense in me re-writing my thoughts. I’ll say it again, great post, Katie!
To be honest, I don’t know why there are labels. Food is just one part of life. Wake up and eat, play, live, love,laugh the way you hope to and that is within your capability that day. Food does not define a person.
Agreed! Nobody’s perfect in whatever “diet” they choose and there’s always room for flexibility..unless you’re like a level 6 vegan that doesnt eat anything that casts a shadow 😉 Oh, and regarding the part about only eating “right” foods- I used to be like that. Celery, fruit, and carrots used to be staples. But yesterday I had a BIG OLE’ thing of frozen yogurt..and they day before a sundae dessert from a restaurant (my first EVER 😀 ) and felt no guilt. I was actually smiling and laughing too hard to feel any guilt! Food gives us strength and vitality..no reason to ristrict it and ruin a good time.
I’m always so confused when other vegans are so quick to judge people. It doesn’t make sense to me! I’ve met vegan people who are very holier-than-thou and always criticizing others and nitpicking about people who call themselves vegan but still eat trace amounts of this or that. I just want to scream that veganism is about compassion! And they are not being very compassionate towards others at all by being so critical and rude. It really bothers me, because they accuse people of being hypocritical…but aren’t they kind of being hypocritical? Where is their compassion for other human beings? There is no reason to be so judgemental and nasty.
I think this topic is so important…I have spent my entire life feeling a need to be perfect in every way and I refuse to feel that way about veganism. Like you said, no one lives a truly cruelty free lifestyle, so we all just have to do the best we can. Thanks for this great post!
Yay Omnivore Flexitarians!!!!! Thanks Katie, for spreading your words of reason.
Sherri – Have you tried Daiya? It’s a great vegan cheese, but I’m not sure if it’s available “everywhere” yet. I highly recommend it; it’s great on pizza and tortillas.
Great post Katie!
It is so easy to get caught up in being the ‘perfect’ vegan… on my cross-country move from DC to San Diego, I was not very vegan… I knew that the drive would be hard enough without worrying about where I could find vegan food. We stuck to vegetarian and did our best. I was simply not in the mood to make cooks mad and have something I was scared to eat by requesting anything that was not on the menu.
Thanks for reminding me of what I already knew… stress is not healthy. Do your best and move on. 🙂
Thanks for the amazing post.
I have been doing all I can to be as vegan as possible the last 6 months or so but it’s hard. I have cut out everything except cheese. I do end up with traces of in my food sometimes but it is very difficult to find vegan friendly options here. Plus my husband is not supportive of all ( I wasn’t a vegetarian went we got together), which makes meal time hard. I still make mac and cheese every couple weeks and we will have pizza about once a month. But whenever I can avoid cheese I do.
Your post made me feel not so guilty about it. Every little bit helps and none of us are prefect. Just mabye some day I will find a good cheese subsitute.
Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for writing that piece. I sometimes felt like an imposter, daring to subscribe to your blog when I’m not a vegan, or even a very successful vegetarian! But I try and I’ll keep on trying to reduce my impact and try not to feel guilty for not succeeding 100%!
Aw Kim LOL probably at least 70% of the people who read my blog aren’t vegan! And like 99% of the people I know in real life aren’t either! 😉
That’s why labels are bad – if you don’t fit into the “standard definition” of the label, someone, somewhere is going to say you aren’t truly representing the label. I realize they make it easy to describe you way of eating to someone who doesn’t know you don’t eat x, y, or z, but at the same time, they force you into a black and white world, which doesn’t exist – there are always shades of grey in everything!
And a random note – not all white sugar is non-vegan. Not all sugar refineries use bone char in heir operations. So if anyone says that by eating white sugar you aren’t vegan, they are uninformed.
I totally agree with this post and your general philosophy on food, which is why I was a little surprised by the new heading for this website (“where healthy tastes naughty”). I love your site and am not trying to be critical at all, I just feel like maybe I don’t understand what you mean. “Naughty” to me has a bit of that guilty/sinful connotation, and since I’ve never had the impression that you view certain foods as “naughty”, I’m a little bit confused as to why that’s in the heading? Just wondering if you could set me straight :p. Like I said, I LOVE your blog. You are a fantastic writer and it’s so fun to read a blog that’s witty, articulate, and personable. Keep up the good work 🙂
Hey Ally,
Hmmm… yeah, I guess I am kinda a hypocrite with my wording, huh? It’s sometimes hard to express oneself in writing to convey what one truly means! I really don’t mean anything negative by the term “naughty.” I don’t say “where healthy IS naughty,” rather “where it tastes naughty” as in you’ll FEEL devilish when you eat delicious food, but really you are NOT.
I strive, through ALL my posts, to show people that they can and SHOULD eat the foods they really crave. Every single day. I hope I’m explaining this well… I do not mean to say that you would be naughty if you ate UNhealthy food; all I’m saying is that you’ll THINK you’re being naughty when you eat the recipes on my blog when really you’re not!
Ok, I think I figured out a better way to explain it! I don’t mean “naughty” as in evil. It’s more like as in “r-rated” or sexy! I even thought about saying “healthy is sexy” but LOL I decided it was too risque for a header! 😉
Though my input is nearly a year late, this seemed interesting in retrospect:
“There just aren’t enough vegans in the world (yet!) to provide the amount of demand to get, say, Silk Soymilk at Wal-Mart.”
Nowadays, even Wal-Mart carries Silk soymilk! While I’m not vegan, I love the stuff and even prefer it over cow’s milk. Perhaps some progress has been made on the vegan front, after all. 🙂
I really appreciate this post. This really inspired me to keep on with my diet changes, and to live a healthier lifestyle. Being a vegetarian has really helped my health turn around. I now realize, though, that I’m more of a flexitarian… haha. I don’t feel guilty about eating chicken for protein anymore!
I linked you in my most recent post for my blog readers to take a look at: http://ohdeculture.blogspot.com/2011/08/oops-i-lied.html
I enjoy your blog so much, and I’m glad you’ve decided to make it your current career!
Aww wow, thank you so much! I don’t have a google/wordpress id, so I can’t comment on your post, but I’m honored by your words :).