Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Please don’t ever apologize for eating a cupcake, a Twinkie, a non-vegan food, or any other morsel that happens to categorize you as “straying” from whatever diet you’ve chosen.
Guilt is present in so many areas of our lives. We feel guilty when we spend too much on a shopping trip, guilty when we have to say no to a friend’s request, guilty when we end a relationship. Why, then, are we adding to this by associating food with guilt as well? Food ought to be a source of enjoyment, of comfort. Who doesn’t have fond childhood memories in association with food: making Christmas cookies with Grandma, digging into an enormous slice of homemade birthday cake, or eating dessert for dinner? (Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who did this!)
Kids know how to truly enjoy life! But all too often, adults say, “Oh, I was bad” or “Oh I shouldn’t.” Sundaes are called “sinful” and brownies are deemed “diet derailers.” I’m not saying one should eat these foods every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I do believe there is a place for treats in a healthy diet. The problem is that many people are trained to see everything as “black and white.”
If you’re interested in a novel of a post, I wrote more here: Orthorexia: The new Eating Disorder. But for now, I want to switch gears and zero in on a particular sub-topic:
Eating a “perfect” vegan diet.
People often send me emails, lamenting the fact that they could never be a “perfect” vegan. But there is no such thing!
I am not a perfect vegan. Even the so-called “vegan police” (those who point fingers at others, saying their efforts aren’t good enough) do not live 100% cruelty-free lives. The fact of the matter is that it’s impossible to live your life and not step on anyone else’s toes. There’s gelatin in book bindings, slavery involved with the chocolate trade, and some animals are even killed in the production of veggies when they run under the tractors. What I’m trying to say is that one shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling like his or her diet (or any aspect of his or her life) isn’t “cruelty-free” enough; we’re all just doing the best that we can in this life. Unfortunately, if one tries to bite off more than he or she can chew (pun intended), one runs the risk of burning out and giving up on doing anything!
There’s also something to be said for part-time vegans or vegetarians (a.k.a. flexitarians). Truth be told, the plethora of vegan items available in mainstream stores today is mostly thanks to these people. There just aren’t enough vegans in the world (yet!) to provide the amount of demand to get, say, Silk Soymilk at Wal-Mart or Almond Breeze at Costco. But with the help of flexitarians, one can now find non-dairy ice creams, mock meats, Larabars, and other vegan goodies outside of Whole Foods.
Even if you’re not ready now–or ever–to give up meat, you can still make a huge difference. Every little bit helps, and sometimes people are more-willing to believe ot trust omnivores than vegans when it comes to product recommendations. For example, if I tried to pass off my 5-Minute Chocolate Mousse to my relatives, they would balk, saying “Oh of course the crazy vegan thinks this is good; she hasn’t had the real thing in years!”
But if my meat-eating dad were to give them a taste, chances are they’d be more receptive. It’s one of the reasons I don’t fret over honey, nor do I beat myself up for eating a food that may contain traces of milk. Some might call me a hypocrite, but I feel I’d just turn more people off to the diet if they saw me scrutinizing every label for hours on end, trying to decipher if “natural flavors” in a certain product are animal-derived. (I’m unsure where I stand on the “veganism and honey” issue. More bugs probably die in the making of my organic kale or broccoli! I don’t go out of my way to eat foods with honey, but I also won’t flip out if I happen to consume it accidentally.)
No matter what you are or aren’t able to do, feel proud of yourself for even wanting to make a difference in this world. I believe that if everyone does as much as he or she feels comfortable doing, the world will slowly become a better place. When I first learned about factory farming, I struggled with the whole “I’m just one person; my not eating meat won’t make a difference at all. No one will even notice” thing. But if you think about it, all the “one persons” add up. If everyone said that he or she were only one person and no one would notice if he or she made an effort to help change the world, then nothing would ever change. Alone, we’re just one person, but when we all come together, we make a huge group, and every one person counts! Plus, you never know who else you’ll inspire. It’s the domino effect.
Oh dear, what a lot of self-congratulatory rubbish. If you are vegan, you are so for either health or moral reasons. For the latter, diet IS a religion to some people; the reason they are on the vegan “diet” is because they are prompted by their MORALS. Your moral compass IS your religion if you do not subscribe to traditional Gods. Also, someone above snipes at Whole Foods as “hippie” – well I have not read such a lot of hippie free-love, let’s all get under the “cut yourself some slack” umbrella for a long while. No-one can actually live cruelty-free in the Western world, no matter how hard they try, granted; but to be a vegan for moral reasons and fall off that wagon for the sake of a chocolate bar or whatever is lazy. “I am not sure what is in this, it might be OK, but it might not. I will just eat it” = no self-control. You are not literally starving in the TRUE sense of the word, so put it down and wait until you find something that IS vegan.
Wow Jenny, how wonderful to be perfect. Share your secrets?
Thank you for this post. A couple of thoughts:
I want to see words like tempt and sin disappear from America’s food-related jargon. Let’s save big words with loaded meanings for topics more important than cupcakes. A woman’s guilt, if it exists at all, should certainly not exist because of what she ate. How she acts, how she backs up her convictions and lives her life, maybe.
Food politics, food politics. While I don’t agree completely with the comment right before mine, the statement that no one can live cruelty-free in the Western world strikes me as being pretty dead on. Even vegan diets contribute to such things a deforestation (to make room for soy crops, palm oil and some of the other ingredients common in vegan foods) and depending on the store we choose to shop from, odds are we’re contributing to some sort of societal ill – environment degradation, poor labor practices, child labor, unfair prices for farmers, corporate greed, etc.. Unless you have the privilege and ability to live off the grid and grow all your own stuff, it’s impossible not to tread on something, somewhere. I think it’s important to avoid extremism when it comes to any diet; if you’re vegan for moral reasons and you “fall of the wagon”, I hardly think that this signifies a lack of a moral compass. What it comes down to is being conscious in all of our food decisions without being maniacal about them, and truly, truly attempting to consider the sources, origins and impacts of the choices we make and where we throw our dollars.
Off the soapbox I go.
Thanks Rachael! I really appreciated your insightful thoughts. You can step onto your soapbox any time you want! 🙂 🙂
And I completely agree about the words needing to be obliterated from our foodie vocab (although sometimes, due to conditioning from the media, I subconsciously slip up and use these words, myself).
This is such a great post. Have you heard of the “meat-free Mondays” campaign? I’m not sure of the details but basically it’s a movement to get people to stop eating meat on Mondays, mainly for environmental reasons I believe. When I first heard that, I thought it was so stupid. “Why don’t they just not eat meat EVERY day?” I’ve gone more than half my life without having meat as a part of my diet, and even as a child I never liked meat, so it seems ridiculous that people feel they “need” meat to be satisfied. But then I realized I was wrong. To a lot of people, going one day without meat is a big deal, and it’s an important first step! I generally go back and forth being 75%-95% vegan, and I’m happy with my diet. Sometimes I feel pressured to eat 100% vegan just to make up for all the people all around me munching on their hamburgers and cheese and whatnot, but I don’t think I should restrict myself beyond what I feel comfortable with as a reaction to what other people are eating.
I didn’t know about a meat free Monday movement! But I did start a Vegan Thursday movement:
https://lett-trim.today/2010/01/05/vegan-thursdays/%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E
So I’m excited to know someone else is doing something similar :).
Thanks for this great post, Katie! I would never claim to be vegan, but I am intrigued by it, and I love vegan food. I always feel better when I eat vegan, and I love cooking that way. I feel like I’m heading that way little by little, but I don’t even like to talk about it because I’m sure someone will call me out if I happen to be spotted with some cheese or cream in my coffee. I try to remind myself that I don’t need a label, but it’s hard when people ask and I’m not sure how to explain why I don’t want to eat what they have out on their buffet. It gets tricky when you can’t just say, “Oh, I’m vegetarian” or “Oh, I’m vegan.” For now, I just tell them I already ate 🙂
Great points you make here Katie. It always drives me bonkers when people saying they’re “being good” when they eat healthy or “bad” when they don’t – argh.
I liked your post, because even though I am NOT Vegan, I do eat clean. And your post can completely pertain to the way that I eat also. I fall off of the wagon, but get back on with the next meal. And not unlike Veganism, clean products are hard to come by but becoming more common in the marketplace.
I have an issue with putting chemicals into my body that are government regulated but that we really have no idea what are going to do to us years down the road. Which can sometimes result in becoming OCD about reading labels and such, and guilt if I eat something that isn’t a whole food. I used to beat myself up over that, but not anymore! (or at least I try my best, LOL)
OHMYGOD, you hit the nail on the head!! Excellent points and well written!
For me, this is the best post you’ve had so far! And I completely agree. =]
Oh wow, thanks a ton Mara!
Awesome post. I have had people criticize me for not eating a perfect diet or eating something I said I don’t eat. Maybe I brought it on myself because I said I “don’t eat” said food but at the same time there is no perfect diet. One meal, one day, one week, etc. is not going to make or break a person. It’s about the whole picture over time.
This post was amazing. I never used to feel guilty about eating something before I found out about my high cholesterol. After that, well.. it’s been a guilt trip.
I always try to enjoy the foods I eat and never eat something I don’t want to and usually end up being guilt-free but people around me seem to want me to be guilty. Whenever I mention eating something really good (ie. something with cheese which I should eat less) some people want to point out that I’m not eating as I’m supposed to. There is no use in telling that I eat low-fat cheese or that if I don’t eat cheese for 5 days a week I can enjoy a piece of full fat cheese once or twice a week. It’s all about moderation!
And even if I would eat like I used to and not take care of myself (which I do!) it’s really nobody’s business how, when and what I eat.
Oh Anne, your comment is SO TRUE! Just the other day, my friend (who is on a diet because she’s overweight) was eating an ice cream cone–the ONLY one she’d allowed herself all week. Well, wouldn’t you know, someone had to come up and say, “I thought you were on a diet. Do you really wanna eat that?” It’s NOT their business, and it made my friend feel horrible. I was SO angry!
What a JERK!!!
Did you give them a death glare and tell them to shush?
I’d have had words for that person, let me tell you!
I’m as vegan as possible. If I’m iffy on an ingredient and I don’t NEED to eat the food (which is common) I won’t. It’s partially due to just not feeling good, emotionally, if I eat animal products but it’s also LARGELY due to feeling physically ill if I eat them! I’m so so sensitive to things now, especially dairy. Even a tiny bit in a food will make me feel like death is a gift. LOL. I don’t like feeling physically ill nor do I enjoy feeling sad/upset, so I’m pretty careful!
I know I’m not perfect, it’s impossible to 100% vegan in a very non-vegan world! I do, however, feel like vegans should try very hard – as much as practical or possible – to avoid animal products. If you’re routinuely eating gelatin or eggs, or sometimes have some cheese a couple times a month, please don’t call yourself vegan.
I ask this not due to being the vegan police but simply because you’re making it harder on folks who are truly vegan. We’ve all heard of the people who say “but my friend is a vegetarian and SHE eats chicken.” while being offered a “vegetarian” dish that contains meat. We need to make sure the term “vegan” means something so that we can trust it when we see it on a menu or product, yanno? Also, the folks who eat vegan but use leather, animal tested cosmetics, wool, etc. should be calling themself strict vegetarians or dietary vegans – for similar reasons. It’s not a judgment, it’s a matter of *clarity*.
I’m not vegan police-y about the beegans who eat honey (honey is one thing I always forget to ask about at restaurants, it doesn’t make me feel sick and I tend to have less of an emotional/ethical issue with it. I feel bad that I am not more viligent.) but I choose to avoid it when I *know* it’s in something.
If I eat it accidentally a) I won’t notice (no sickies!) and b) don’t feel like a bad person if I DO notice. Honey is the only non-vegan thing I’ve intentionally eaten in the almost seven years I’ve been vegan. I’ve done it four times, all four to make things easier on a host at a meal – they *almost* had it vegan, they just missed honey. To be fair, all noticed it and went “crap! not vegan!” so they won’t do it again. 🙂 Honey is one thing I’ll compromise on, in limited situations. I’ve also been known to eat mono and dyglyerides when offered food by my mom or other ones that are tiny tiny things that can go either way and won’t make me ill. I’m not a ‘sugar’ vegan either. I buy non-bone char sugar for my baking but I’ll eat white sugar that’s not vegan. I drink water that’s filtered that way, so avoiding sugar seems needlessly nitpicky. *waits for vegan police!*
I won’t compromise on meat, eggs, dairy or things like gelatin though. I’m absolutely diligent about those things and do feel bad if I eat them accidentally. It’s a strong ethical stance, if you break it you feel bad. That’s not like feeling that eating cake on a diet is bad. More like you feel like kicking a puppy is bad. I don’t feel like it’s unhealthy for a vegan to feel bad when they slip up. It wouldn’t make sense if we didn’t! Especially for the longer term vegans, there is a sense of disgust with yourself when you eat animals – especially if you just forgot to check a label, etc.
Oh, and Katie, FYI. Traces of milk/eggs/nuts/whathaveyou just is related to the machinery. Most vegan places can’t afford their own machinery so they share. Even though they are washed like whoa in between batches, they must label that way for the benefit of the incredibly allergic. I think I’ve only “met” one vegan in all the ones I interact with online/in forums who wouldn’t eat a “may contain traces” thing. They are still vegan and no one jumps on anyone for that. 😉
Great, great insight, Melissa! Wow, you really know your stuff :).
Oh, and I am right there with you 100% on the honey issue (Why not use agave at home?) AND in feeling gross when I eat non-vegan. I once had a stir fry and later got a SERIOUS tummy ache. Turned out the stir fry had a little bit of yogurt in it. 🙁 🙁 I guess my body has gotten used to not eating dairy. Hey, that’s ok by me!
Wow! Yogurt in stir fry? Who’d even ever think that ask about that?
As for knowing my stuff, I’m a voracious reader/researcher with very little in the way of a social life. Ha. I get interesting in something and I go all out – learning about it as much as I can. You should hear me talk about rats(!) LOL. I go into lecture mode on rattie stuff, animal behavior, running, veganism … it’s just I’m so excited about these things that I read a lot and then want to share. And bore people!