Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Please don’t ever apologize for eating a cupcake, a Twinkie, a non-vegan food, or any other morsel that happens to categorize you as “straying” from whatever diet you’ve chosen.
Guilt is present in so many areas of our lives. We feel guilty when we spend too much on a shopping trip, guilty when we have to say no to a friend’s request, guilty when we end a relationship. Why, then, are we adding to this by associating food with guilt as well? Food ought to be a source of enjoyment, of comfort. Who doesn’t have fond childhood memories in association with food: making Christmas cookies with Grandma, digging into an enormous slice of homemade birthday cake, or eating dessert for dinner? (Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who did this!)
Kids know how to truly enjoy life! But all too often, adults say, “Oh, I was bad” or “Oh I shouldn’t.” Sundaes are called “sinful” and brownies are deemed “diet derailers.” I’m not saying one should eat these foods every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I do believe there is a place for treats in a healthy diet. The problem is that many people are trained to see everything as “black and white.”
If you’re interested in a novel of a post, I wrote more here: Orthorexia: The new Eating Disorder. But for now, I want to switch gears and zero in on a particular sub-topic:
Eating a “perfect” vegan diet.
People often send me emails, lamenting the fact that they could never be a “perfect” vegan. But there is no such thing!
I am not a perfect vegan. Even the so-called “vegan police” (those who point fingers at others, saying their efforts aren’t good enough) do not live 100% cruelty-free lives. The fact of the matter is that it’s impossible to live your life and not step on anyone else’s toes. There’s gelatin in book bindings, slavery involved with the chocolate trade, and some animals are even killed in the production of veggies when they run under the tractors. What I’m trying to say is that one shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling like his or her diet (or any aspect of his or her life) isn’t “cruelty-free” enough; we’re all just doing the best that we can in this life. Unfortunately, if one tries to bite off more than he or she can chew (pun intended), one runs the risk of burning out and giving up on doing anything!
There’s also something to be said for part-time vegans or vegetarians (a.k.a. flexitarians). Truth be told, the plethora of vegan items available in mainstream stores today is mostly thanks to these people. There just aren’t enough vegans in the world (yet!) to provide the amount of demand to get, say, Silk Soymilk at Wal-Mart or Almond Breeze at Costco. But with the help of flexitarians, one can now find non-dairy ice creams, mock meats, Larabars, and other vegan goodies outside of Whole Foods.
Even if you’re not ready now–or ever–to give up meat, you can still make a huge difference. Every little bit helps, and sometimes people are more-willing to believe ot trust omnivores than vegans when it comes to product recommendations. For example, if I tried to pass off my 5-Minute Chocolate Mousse to my relatives, they would balk, saying “Oh of course the crazy vegan thinks this is good; she hasn’t had the real thing in years!”
But if my meat-eating dad were to give them a taste, chances are they’d be more receptive. It’s one of the reasons I don’t fret over honey, nor do I beat myself up for eating a food that may contain traces of milk. Some might call me a hypocrite, but I feel I’d just turn more people off to the diet if they saw me scrutinizing every label for hours on end, trying to decipher if “natural flavors” in a certain product are animal-derived. (I’m unsure where I stand on the “veganism and honey” issue. More bugs probably die in the making of my organic kale or broccoli! I don’t go out of my way to eat foods with honey, but I also won’t flip out if I happen to consume it accidentally.)
No matter what you are or aren’t able to do, feel proud of yourself for even wanting to make a difference in this world. I believe that if everyone does as much as he or she feels comfortable doing, the world will slowly become a better place. When I first learned about factory farming, I struggled with the whole “I’m just one person; my not eating meat won’t make a difference at all. No one will even notice” thing. But if you think about it, all the “one persons” add up. If everyone said that he or she were only one person and no one would notice if he or she made an effort to help change the world, then nothing would ever change. Alone, we’re just one person, but when we all come together, we make a huge group, and every one person counts! Plus, you never know who else you’ll inspire. It’s the domino effect.
Thank you for this amazing post Katie!!
Guilt, and the obsession with eating perfectly only leads to regret, restriction and the eventual binge. We need to work to reshape this relationship with food, so that there is no such thing as a bad food, and we aren’t trapped in this eat-repent-repeat cycle. Food should not be a religion and we definitely shouldn’t have to pay penance for it!
I just started a new blog called I am Guiltless that is centered around that, self love and positive body image (www.iamguiltless.com if you’re interested). And even though it has only been up for a week I’ve been blown away by the positive response of people reading/hearing about it. We need to keep spreading this message!
so thank you you beautiful lady!
Ooh I’ll definitely check it out :).
GREAT post! Wonderful! I avoid non-vegan things as much as possible but won’t freak out if I accidentally eat dairy or eggs in something. Unless you are allergic to eggs or dairy; traces are fine. Honey happens, but I’ll never buy it to use at home. Sure, dairy will give me a bad stomach ache, but it’s a good reminder for me to always ask about ingredients. Really, the best way to be vegan (or a compaaionate person, for that matter) is to try your best, be reasonable, and never beat yourself up. Katie wrote it so beautifully in her post, there’s no sense in me re-writing my thoughts. I’ll say it again, great post, Katie!
To be honest, I don’t know why there are labels. Food is just one part of life. Wake up and eat, play, live, love,laugh the way you hope to and that is within your capability that day. Food does not define a person.
Agreed! Nobody’s perfect in whatever “diet” they choose and there’s always room for flexibility..unless you’re like a level 6 vegan that doesnt eat anything that casts a shadow 😉 Oh, and regarding the part about only eating “right” foods- I used to be like that. Celery, fruit, and carrots used to be staples. But yesterday I had a BIG OLE’ thing of frozen yogurt..and they day before a sundae dessert from a restaurant (my first EVER 😀 ) and felt no guilt. I was actually smiling and laughing too hard to feel any guilt! Food gives us strength and vitality..no reason to ristrict it and ruin a good time.
I’m always so confused when other vegans are so quick to judge people. It doesn’t make sense to me! I’ve met vegan people who are very holier-than-thou and always criticizing others and nitpicking about people who call themselves vegan but still eat trace amounts of this or that. I just want to scream that veganism is about compassion! And they are not being very compassionate towards others at all by being so critical and rude. It really bothers me, because they accuse people of being hypocritical…but aren’t they kind of being hypocritical? Where is their compassion for other human beings? There is no reason to be so judgemental and nasty.
I think this topic is so important…I have spent my entire life feeling a need to be perfect in every way and I refuse to feel that way about veganism. Like you said, no one lives a truly cruelty free lifestyle, so we all just have to do the best we can. Thanks for this great post!
Yay Omnivore Flexitarians!!!!! Thanks Katie, for spreading your words of reason.
Sherri – Have you tried Daiya? It’s a great vegan cheese, but I’m not sure if it’s available “everywhere” yet. I highly recommend it; it’s great on pizza and tortillas.
Great post Katie!
It is so easy to get caught up in being the ‘perfect’ vegan… on my cross-country move from DC to San Diego, I was not very vegan… I knew that the drive would be hard enough without worrying about where I could find vegan food. We stuck to vegetarian and did our best. I was simply not in the mood to make cooks mad and have something I was scared to eat by requesting anything that was not on the menu.
Thanks for reminding me of what I already knew… stress is not healthy. Do your best and move on. 🙂
Thanks for the amazing post.
I have been doing all I can to be as vegan as possible the last 6 months or so but it’s hard. I have cut out everything except cheese. I do end up with traces of in my food sometimes but it is very difficult to find vegan friendly options here. Plus my husband is not supportive of all ( I wasn’t a vegetarian went we got together), which makes meal time hard. I still make mac and cheese every couple weeks and we will have pizza about once a month. But whenever I can avoid cheese I do.
Your post made me feel not so guilty about it. Every little bit helps and none of us are prefect. Just mabye some day I will find a good cheese subsitute.
Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for writing that piece. I sometimes felt like an imposter, daring to subscribe to your blog when I’m not a vegan, or even a very successful vegetarian! But I try and I’ll keep on trying to reduce my impact and try not to feel guilty for not succeeding 100%!
Aw Kim LOL probably at least 70% of the people who read my blog aren’t vegan! And like 99% of the people I know in real life aren’t either! 😉