What are some things that are more important to you than food? To me, family is definitely more important.
Sarah (a reader) asked:
In the eight (I think you said eight) years you’ve been vegan, have you ever KNOWINGLY eaten a meat or dairy product, either by accident or choice? I know you said you sometimes eat things that might have trace animal products, but I was wondering about things that have more than just trace amounts. Just curious!
Actually, the answer to your question is “yes.” When I was in high school, and had only been vegan about a year, my mom once surprised me with homemade chocolate chip cookies, using this recipe.
(The perfect photo above is not mine, it’s Maggie’s. I only wish I had such skills!)
Mom was so proud that the cookies were vegan: made with dark chocolate chips and all! When I looked at the chip bag, though, it turned out that the chips weren’t actually vegan, even though they were dark chocolate. There was still milk in them, as well as butter oil.
But I never told her.
I was so grateful for her thoughtfulness and kindness. And I wanted her to see me enjoy the super-sweet gesture. After all, she deserves compassion from me too. People are animals too! (Now, if it had been a yogurt smoothie or a lasagna in which she’d forgotten not to add cheese, the case would’ve been different. I’m not saying I would’ve eaten anything just because it was made with love. But as I said in my previous post, you have to decide what’s most important; situations—and veganism—aren’t always black and white. And it’s a personal decision that’ll differ for each of us.)
Nowadays I’m the one making Mom eat my cookies…
My raw chocolate chip cookies.
Questions of the Day:
What are some things that are more important to you than food? Or: Has anyone ever made you a meal that really wasn’t your favorite, but that you ate anyway, due to the enormous amount of love put into it? Something that comes to mind for me: My grandma made a vegan salad this summer with arugula. This green isn’t my favorite, and my mother HATES it with a passion, but we quietly served ourselves a small portion to make Grandma happy. There are more important things in life than food. Family is one of those things.
This is what I live for… No. 1: Family. So simple but SO powerful! My family is my life.. I talk to my mommy and daddy every day 😉
Bringing joy to not only animals but PEOPLE! Spending days making homemade birthday cards for friends, surprising co-workers with their favorite muffins on a busy day. Seeing the smiles on peoples faces when they know that somebody loves them and is thinking about them.
Taking pride in my career – engineering clean energy, steam turbine technology for more environmentally friendly use in power plants.
Awesome posts today and yesterday! Sometimes we can get so caught up in the little details, but just stopping and reflecting on the big picture brings us back to Earth. Thank you!
Hey Katie!! I love your blog and visit it daily!! living in Israel and being a vegan is not the easiest thing to do, considering we dont have any of the fun fake cheeses or meats that America is filled with, which is one of the reasons i love your blog so much. i have made a couple of your raw cookies and my non- vegan husband loved them. I wanted to comment on your mom’s “vegan” cookie fiasco, because it happens to me all the time. I am a california girl who married into a Moroccan-israeli household where being a vegan is a very weird thing. My mother-in law is so sweet always trying to accommodate me when ever we come over for dinner. She makes me lots of vegetable quiches and most of the time she puts egg into them. I have told her many times that i dont eat eggs but she continues to make them. Until recently when i tried to explain to her about my veganism and my “i dont eat eggs” policy. But last weekend we went over for our friday night sabbath meal and she made cute little spinach cakes which were awesome. i was so thankful and touched she had tried so hard to make something completely vegan for me i even asked for the recipe, however upon asking she informed me that guess what the spinach cakes also had EGG!!!!! i am kind of at a loss for ideas or words to help fix no egg rule without really insulting her, maybe you have some kind of advice for a crazy hippie living in a different world..
I’d recommend you bring over dishes occasionally. I know with my family, my mom was fine with me going vegan but was adamant she wasn’t going to cook that way when I visited, thinking it was too complicated and weird. Once she had some of the vegan food I made, no tricky and/or “fake” ingredients, she decided it was kind of fun to try and make meals without the dairy and eggs. Maybe your MIL will be the same way!
Aw thank you so so much, Lily! I feel your pain; when I lived in China, many people didn’t understand that a food made with chicken broth wasn’t vegetarian, an when we went to business banquets for my dad, we were expected to try everything or risk being rude. To be honest with you, I used the “I can’t eat X” excuse often, as opposed to the “I choose not to eat X.” That way, I spared peoples’ feelings, while still not really saying anything untrue, since my body isn’t used to meat/dairy anymore, so it honestly does make me feel sick when I eat it.
Love your raw chocolate chip cookies! 🙂 I agree with you and Freya for your first question. Look forward to the NYC posts. 🙂
This is such a sweet post Katie. When I was still vegan and went home for Christmas, my Dad made this HUGE amount of food for me, completely with a giant pot of homemade vegan pumpkin soup. Sadly, the soup didn’t really have a whole lot of flavor, but I made sure to eat a couple bowls because it had been so sweet of him to make me so much food.
Being compassionate and understanding with family and friends whose intentions are good is really important to me, definitely more so than food.
I read your post yesterday but didn’t have a chance to comment! I totally agree that it’s impossible to live 100% cruelty-free. And yes, every little bit counts! Diets and lifestyles aren’t in black and white and if you’re a mostly-vegan who sometimes eats cheese and fish…then that’s still a *big* step in the right direction. I’m vegan for different reasons and so I still eat honey, refined sugar, “natural flavors” because it would be frustrating and tedious to inspect every little thing and I enjoy them!
Oh, and I’m with you on the cookies. If there’s a trace amount of milk in 0.5% of the cookie and your mom is beaming….then I’d def. eat the cookie. But if she made it with butter, milk, eggs…then I would tell her I loved her & I want her to eat the cookies lol
Fear of making it hard on my mom was what kept me from going vegan at first! But now I know I can cook for everyone else if I want to, and people are happy to make adjustments for me anyway.
(I can’t stand arugula either, by the way. It tastes like rotten lettuce.)
Yes, so many things in life are more important to me than food! Family is definitely more important than food. However I usually won’t eat something just because it is made with love NOT because of perfectionism or even moral beliefs, but my food allergies and digestive illness. I just don’t think it is worth it to make myself sick and in pain for days, even if it will make someone else happy or to avoid hurting their feelings. Most of my family members and close friends know that I have these allergies and intolerances so they won’t make me anything unless they ask me first if I can eat it. It is kind of an annoying way to live, but I’m used to it by now. I do think that if it wasn’t a health issue, I would be a lot less uptight about food. I really don’t like hurting peoples’ feelings so I would do what I can. And I think that is a good thing…like you said, there is more to life than obsessing over traces of dairy or whether or not you are being a perfect vegan.
Yess, definitely. My mom bought me some fancy organic flavored peanut butters but she doesn’t understand the concept of “checking the ingredients,” and, when I did, ta-daaaaa…whey protein isolate. But I thanked her and I probably will still eat it (but very sparingly, I mean they were expensive and this way I don’t feel so guilty about eating dairy products) … I mean she just wanted to get me something she thought I’d like!! When we went grocery shopping yesterday we wanted to get cheap PB too, and she grabbed the one that said “organic” and I grabbed for the cheaper one, and she asked me why. I flipped both jars over and pointed at the ingredients. My cheaper one read “Peanuts and salt.” Her’s had peanuts, palm oil, salt, and sugar. I explained that I’d rather just have the peanuts and salt than have the organic peanut butter with extra oil. I’m tryyyiiingg!
But I have a second dilemma. My family at least grasps the concept of vegetarianism. My BOYFRIEND’s family, though … well … it’s culturally offensive not to eat everything you are served, and meat is a MAJOR part of their food. I really can’t stomach the thought of it but I really don’t want to be offensive, this isn’t my family and I want to give a good impression but I just don’t know what to do. I really stay awake at night sometimes debating with myself. I mean it took a really long time just to get my boyfriend to really understand that I DON’T EAT MEAT and his family is already prejudiced against me because I don’t share their cultural history. On one hand, I figure, well, they already don’t like me because I’m different so what the heck, but on the other hand I really do WANT them to like me … ack I could talk about this forever.
Anyway. I’ve been loving your posts lately – so so heartfelt, honest, and thought provoking. You’re wonderful!!
My fiance’s family was the SAME way when we first started dating! I am vegan, and his family owns a dairy (so, obviously, milk and beef are always present at get t0gethers.) At first, I got a lot of questions about why I wasn’t eating, even more “here, try this, just a little bit” type comments. But I stood my ground in a polite and respectful manner, and now there are always veggie options whenever the family gets together. My advice is to just stick to your guns at meals – I found that offering to bring something to add to the table was also really helpful. I’ve made several desserts, and no one could tell they were vegan when they ate them – and I hardly EVER take home any leftovers. 🙂
Beautiful post! It reminds us all that we can loosen up a bit and look at the big picture…and shows that vegans are not extremists like most people think. You have your principles and you have your family, but in both cases, you made the best choice. I think that when people appreciate others’ imperfect efforts to help them meet their principles, others will want to work harder to meet them. Love the idea of breaking up the all-or-nothing mentality you mentioned before. I’ve always said I could be a super-happy vegan if not for salmon, cheese, and yogurt. So fine, I have to call myself someone who eats a plant based diet with some yogurt, cheese, and seafood…but why do I care about fitting perfectly into a certain category? and why should anyone else care?
Family are DEFINITELY more important than food! Definitely xx