Today’s post is very personal, so if you don’t like that sort of thing, feel free to skip it.
In my red velvet pancake post, last week, I brought up heart health and how it’s important to take care of one’s heart. What I didn’t mention was:
I once took my own heart for granted.
Awhile back, I wrote a post about my weight and diet.
The post briefly referred to a time when I overdid it on the running while simultaneously—and accidentally–underdoing it on the eating. But I never elaborated much on what happened. Since I’m trying to be more personal on the blog, I thought I should tell more of the story, especially so none of you ever take your hearts for granted like I did:
It was in high school. I was big into athletics, playing both varsity soccer and tennis. As soon as I started running, I was hooked on that too.
But nobody remembered to tell me just how many calories athletes burn.
At this time in my life, I knew nothing about nutrition, was always running from one activity to another, and would eat whatever I could get my hands on when I had a rare free moment…
Of course, I’d also *just* switched to a vegan diet, which meant I was inadvertently taking in fewer calories simply because I’d fill up on bulky foods.
I didn’t realize I was losing weight—weight I couldn’t afford to lose—until people started taking my mom aside and asking if I was okay. She hadn’t noticed either; when you see someone every day, it’s hard to notice a gradual change. She appeased their fears by answering, “Oh, Katie’s just like I was as a kid: always eating, never gaining an ounce. Who knows where it all goes?!” But as more and more people continued to approach her, we had to face facts: something wasn’t right.
We booked an appointment with the pediatrician, who confirmed I’d lost a lot of weight. But then she also told me something else: My heart rate was extremely low, as was my blood pressure. I’d never heard the words bradycardia or hypotension before, but just the mention of such grandiose medical terms terrified me. (I think, if I remember correctly, my resting heart rate was 42 bpm.) The pediatrician referred me to a cardiologist.
That week between doctor visits was the scariest of my life. Imagine having to go about your daily routine, focusing on fractions and friends, worried all the while that you might have a dangerous heart defect. Obviously, I wasn’t running at this point; in fact, I was afraid to move at all. I was even afraid to go to sleep at night!
Finally, the day of the cardiology appointment arrived. After performing an EKG, they stuck a bunch of stickers on me, squirted some freezing-cold blue gel on a probe, and rubbed the gel around my stomach for half an hour. Then, after what seemed like hours of waiting (because I was so nervous), the cardiologist came in.
Turns out my low heart rate wasn’t a problem. (Athletes often have heart rates in the 40s. Even now, mine is usually in the low 50s.) But the doctor did advise me to gain back the weight I’d lost before I started running again; I’d been feeling sluggish and dizzy, and my low blood pressure #s were troublesome.
Happy ending: I took their advice, got healthy, and when I came in for my follow-up, six months later, the doctor told me I could even run a marathon if I so desired. (Thanks anyway, doc. I did not so desire.)
The reason I’ve never shared this before with is because I was embarrassed to admit how I took my health for granted and risked doing serious damage simply due to lack of proper care of my body. But I’m smarter for it– if I feel like something isn’t right, I won’t ever ignore it again like I did with the dizziness, sluggishness, and friends’ voiced concerns in high school.
My body is amazing, and that’s why I honor it every single day: with healthy foods (but only if they’re also delicious), with enjoyable exercise, and–above all–with plenty of good-quality rest.
Edit: Yes, I know there are a lot of disgusting rumors circulating about me online. For my own sanity, I’ve blocked some of the worst gossip sites so I can’t look at what the trolls are saying anymore. The rumors I saw in the past were either half-truths or (more often) full-blown, hurtful, and seriously ridiculous lies made up by people who have never even met me. There’s not a way to edit the stuff said on other sites—and it’s a free country so people have a right to say what they want. But please remember to consider the source when you read something. Anyone can say anything online, but that doesn’t make it true. If you’re ever wondering about something, just ask. I’m not trying to be devious or hide anything in my life.
(And yes, I know a lot of people are finding this page because Google decided to give out “chocolate covered katie anorexic” and “chocolate covered katie eating disorder” as suggested search terms. Unfortunately I can’t do anything about that either; it’s self-perpetuating. People are always going to click on it out of curiosity.)
So even though I’ve read your entire blog from start to finish (literally), I’ve never commented… But it was so brave of you to share this, and I think it’s great that you’re letting us get to know you better, because I know I get curious about your personal life. This post is also really inspiring in terms of respecting your body and its needs, which I know I don’t always do. Anyway, I’m so glad you are healthy now. Thanks for sharing!
Wow, thank you so much for reading the whole thing, Rebecca! I’m honored lol. 🙂
I agree with all of the comments above – this post was incredibly personal and brave. It’s hard enough talking about tough points in our lives, much less sharing them with tons of strangers. I really appreciate your posting about this though because I once found myself in the same situation and I honestly can still remember how scary it felt to be told I was in danger. I made a resolve then and there to never allow myself to be at a point like that and now I love to focus on my own proper nutrition and health.
It takes guts to talk about a particularly private incident like that, even to a group of friends- you’ve gone out on a limb and talked about it with an enormous public audience. kudos!
i have some thoughts. it was funny to me, reading this post, that you could have had NO idea what was going on with your body. Thoughts of calories and exercise have been so present in my head for years; I can’t remember a time when food was just food. I mean no judgment, of course. I sort of wish I could go back to when I didn’t have a clue.
Having been in the same situation, but due to an eating disorder, it’s hard for me to read this post. I feel a little bit indignant, a little bit annoyed- it sort of feels like someone who’s never had an eating disorder is trying to say she’s been there, too, and understands what it’s like. I know that’s not what you were trying to sound like, though- it’s just my personal reaction. I read this and thought…well, it must be nice, to be so clueless about calories, to be in that dangerously sick condition but not have your sanity questioned, to not have your freedom robbed as you’re subjected to humiliating treatment programs….it was a hard read.
I have to thank you, though, for not being afraid to post things like this- things that might garner all sorts of responses. I know you’ve been attacked on your blog before, and to keep on taking risks is awesome. Again, I’m not attacking. I know it probably sounds like I am, but I just wanted to give you my feedback. Blog on! 🙂
Nope, I actually wasn’t thinking about people with EDs at all when I wrote this, so I definitely wasn’t trying to say I know what it’s like. I was simply relating an experience that happened to me. But please never feel afraid to give honest feedback; I really appreciate all thoughts and opinions, as long as they’re respectful (yours are!) :).
Hello Katie! I love your blog and recipes, but I must say that I also had a “red flag” reaction when reading this (and some other) posts about your weight, but for slightly different reasons (it is also concerning that so many girls/women responding to this are reporting that they too are so underweight). I am a recovering anorectic. Reading your entries about weight and exercise have sounded exactly like the “script” I used all the time to justify my very underweight appearance. I told others all the time how much I just loved running, and how I just ate a very healthy diet, or was eating “all the time” and just not gaining, or just didn’t realize I wasn’t eating enough. I guess the world will never know (and shouldn’t know!) what’s really going on, and I have no right or basis to say that you’re intentionally so underweight. But I encourage you to take a deep look inside just to make sure everything is at peace, because coming from personal experience and having defended my own thinness for years with so many of these exact words, I know that it really hurt me much deeper than I realized at the time. And if not, then more power to you! Either way, sending nothing but love.
Great post! Everyone can take a little something away from your story. Thanks for sharing. On my own personal note, I have recently lost over 100 pounds and am starting to exercise regularly for the first time in my life. It’s still hard to get motivated sometimes but the results are so worth it. And one more thing, I LOVE oatmeal and I am delighted to find so many luscious recipes on your blog.
Katie,
I just sort of stumbled upon your blog and read this post, and I have to say that for the first time I was totally inspired. I am currently struggling with a really similar issue… I have recently become hooked on running and am training for a half marathon. I am an extremely healthy eater, and I eat a LOT, but with the combo of running and my high-nutrient but fairly low-calorie diet, I VERY easily drop way too much weight. I so want to be a strong, healthy runner, and reading your post reminded me that I need to take care of my body or I’ll end up weak and injured, possibly even permanently, which is the exact opposite of what I want. Thanks again 🙂
Good luck, girl! I definitely noticed a difference, speed and motvation-wise, once I started fueling better. I had so much more energy! 🙂
Very interesting post! May I ask how you go about raising your blood pressure? Mine is extremely low, and I often feel dizzy, sluggish, nauseous etc as a result. I increased my salt intake to no avail, and have even tried homeopathic remedies. Was just wondering if you had any tricks!
I can’t give you any advice, since it sounds like something a doctor needs to address. I’d be very irresponsible to give out medical advice :(. For me, mine was so low due to my unhealthy state. Now that I’m healthy, it’s still loe (80s-90s are the top #s), but I don’t feel sluggish or anything.
I’d caution against thinking just eating more salt will do the trick, because you could throw your electrolytes out of whack. Again, it’s an important issue; don’t try to treat it without a professional’s help. Your health is too precious :).
As for your stevia q, I buy nunaturals and have never noticed a strange taste.
Thanks 🙂 I appreciate that you can’t really give out medical advice. My doctor offered me medication but I’m resistant – I see it as a last resort!
Unfortunately in South Africa there is only one brand of pure stevia available, and it has that funny taste! Maybe I’ll look into getting some shipped over from the US!
Hmmm, I think you’re smart to resist medication… I’d be hesitant to go with medication except as a last resort, because you want to figure out WHY there’s a problem before you just treat it with medicine, ya know?
My sentiments exactly! I don’t like masking the symptoms without tackling the cause!
thanks for sharing your story you are such a beautiful person and inspiration to so many women!
Thank you so much, Kate!
I just started reading your blog and in a rather intense stalking session found this post. Basically I’m currently going through the same thing you were (bradycardia as a result of running a lot and not eating enough) and it’s helped me a lot to read about it happening to somebody else. It’s also reassuring to hear that you made it through everything and still run today (I’m so excited to be able to run again). I’ve struggled with disordered eating in the past but i thought that, since running made me feel so great and i wasn’t actively restricting what i was eating, i was doing something good for my body and mind for once. Clearly i was wrong. Right now i should be on a school trip to new york but my doctor said that i wasn’t allowed to go because of my heart. On the bright side, i’m quite excited to try out your chocolate chip baked oatmeal recipe tomorrow morning! (I love your blog by the way!!…in case you couldn’t tell by my earlier mildly creepy stalking comment)
Haha I love long comments; do not apologize! It’s always nice to know someone else is going through what I experienced… although, at the same time, I wish you didn’t have to :(.
I hope you like the oatmeal!!
Are you still trying to gain weight? How many calories do you eat a day? Sorry for the questions, I am trying to gain too 🙂
I’m not actively trying to gain weight, but I would definitely be thrilled if some extra pounds happen to show up. I don’t count calories, though, so I can’t tell you how many I eat right now.
I think your story is somewhat similar to mine, just that I KNEW I was under-eating and over-doing exercise.
I had anorexia for two months, and still exercising and doing tons of activities. The result was a drastic drop in weight, and my parents went through the same pull-asides yours did. Finally I was taken to the doctor, and my pulse was 42….. the doc said that it would have been okay if I was at a good weight, but I was also very dehydrated and my blood pressure was bad. They were going to admit me into the hospital, but I was so scared that I swore to them I would do anything to change my failing health, as long as I could still be with my family, exercise SAFELY and eat vegan.
Thankfully, they consented, but I was so terrified for the first week of change because I had to go through numerous tests to make sure I did not have any heart problems or diabetes (which runs in my family).
I am so much better now (although I will admit that I do still count calories, old habits die hard), and I can do almost any activity I want, which is like the old me, and I am at a good weight, but still slender.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and never be embarrassed to speak about a health condition to people. Most will take it as advice with open arms! I tell girls about my past when I see or hear that they are on a strict diet while keeping up with their activities, and the lights emmedietly go off in their heads. It makes me feel good inside that I am doing my part by preventing someone’s life from becoming endangered by the female athlete triad.
Thank you again!
im sorry but reading this just makes me so upset! i went on a vegatarian diet and started soccer and accedentially lost alot if weight. i didnt have an eating disorder of any type but everyone thought i was anorexic. they sent me to a hospital for a month and i still have to see a dietition. its horrible! they have an exact weight they want me to be and if ik not theyll send me back to the hospital. i wish i was as lucky as you, ive always wanted to be vegan but they wont even let me be vegatarian anymore! i feel terrible eating meat and like im killing innocent animals. i can never look at my parents with the same love i used to and it kills me.
Thanks for sharing your story, Katie–it’s so important. I myself am recovered from both an eating disorder and an abusive romantic relationship, and so now my focus is helping others figure out how they can get their best bodies and lives, by working WITH what they have, instead of trying to conform to something that just isn’t natural or healthy for them.
Keep spreading the passion for good health!!
Hey, 1st of all….i LOVE your blog! it just completely, like, changed my life haha I’m trying EVERYTHING!:) but also….i have a question. This exact thing is happening to me right now. I joined cheer and got put on 2 squads and started getting really into healthy eating. Well, apparently that lead to not enough calories and i lost over 20 pounds in 3 months and i was reallyyy small to begin with. Everyone is concerned and doctors think I’m getting health problems from it, not to mention i HATE how i look now…so my question is, how did you gain the weight? Because I’ve been trying so hard for about two months now and nothing is working but i want to gain it in a healthy way. So are there any good tips you could give me? I’d appreciate it so much! Thanks:)
Just found this post and I’m glad you wrote it! Many many girls out there need to hear stories like yours.
hi katie! i, like you, am very thin. i actually don’t get a period anymore, and was wondering if you (or anyone else reading this) has the same issue. unfortunately, i can’t afford to go to a doctor right now so i don’t know if this is unhealthy or just a side effect of being thin.
Hi Kim,
If you think you are just not getting a period because you’re too thin, try gaining some weight to a healthy level and see if it comes back.
Not getting a period is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. I’m not a doctor, so I can’t give out medical help, but please look into your options. Are there any free treatment clinics you can go to? Or a social worker who can help you find a doctor? I don’t know about specific options, but I do know that doctor care, up to a point, is available even to those who can’t afford it. http://www.moneytalksnews.com/2011/09/30/healthcare-help-for-the-uninsured/
I am also very thin and wanted to know how you gained the weight back! I keep on trying and trying but nothing works. Shakes, peanut butter, nuts, weight training, snacking ad nauseum! How did you do it?
https://lett-trim.today/2012/03/04/my-high-calorie-recipes/%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E